You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
