but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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