If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
These tits shall not be calmed
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
