I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
