I must be too annoying 4 u.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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