pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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