I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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