hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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