Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
