Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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