I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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