sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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