oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
