in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
