32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
