I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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