We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
