I love having hate sex.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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