When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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