I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
