I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
