Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
