Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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