Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
