dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
