I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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