I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
