my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize