don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize