The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
