Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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