I think i peed on brittanys purse
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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