if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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