Betty ford says i'm here all night
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
