Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
