Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
