Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
