i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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