I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
