did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
