I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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