Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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