Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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