Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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