That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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