Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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