put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
