I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
