my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
