it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Houston, we have a squirter
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
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