Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
