Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
