Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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