Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
