Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
