i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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