I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize