Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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