all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
