just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
