I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
