On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
