there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
