dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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