I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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