he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
