She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize