You don't have asthma, your pregnant
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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